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some crazy girl

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[24 Jan 2005|06:46pm]
[ mood | i don't feel good ]

It's cold as hell outside...wait, i guess hells supposed to be all firey and stuff so.....forget that....



It's so cold i actually felt my life was threatened when i went to the grocery store........



My brain stopped working...i just stared like  a crazy person at the groceries......... i couldn't even think of what i had to get or do.....and even worse i didn't WANT to think of anything i think i just wanted to die....lol



It's just too cold for human conditions i think...and i'm not one to complain as i love the snow i love new england for the winter and i love.....everything pretty much (even shoveling) except  for it being so cold that basically the fluid underneath the first layer of skin basically freezes up when you're out there,and your nostrils get all crunchy.....



I just had to lie down after i came in....and play tetris on gameboy...sort of like an old person, minus the tetris....



It's almost february and pretty soon before we know it it'll be summer .....and then winter....and then i'll be 90 and slipping out there breaking a hip so i guess i'll just enjoyyyy being able to walk? hahaha.......



Valentines day is coming soon.......and it's something i've never even cared about......i am pretty independent minded and i don't feel i have to have what media or society feels they have to have....but i had a  memory of valentines day today....



As a kid in school, when you'd decorate those tissue boxes with lace and red, and fuzzy stuff for  putting valentines in....and it dawned on me, that valentines day is wow....the best day in the world! hehehee.....



I miss it.....i remember my mom told me how i should make one for EVERYONE in the class and not leave anybody out...



Which is such a really nice thiing if yuo think about it because.....i guess i was always one of those kids who never really got any valentines just from friends.....and nerdy guys which at the time i wasn't really into.....well, u know BAD nerdy not good and hot nerdy.



ANYWAY there was always that kid who never got any valentines at all right? cept from me of course....which probably was the reason why the freaks always liked me.....AH i'm a freak myself so i shouldn't talk but......back to what i was saying....



I LOVE valentines day.......i love love getting valentines like little secret paper presents  and i havn't gotten them in like 20 years.,..



of course Valentines day became a lovey dovey boyfriend girlfriend thing.......i just forgot about it completely and ignored it.....because i was pretty anti boyfriend/ a sexual for a while....



I hate to be like a typical american....fairy tale minded female....but,.....i wish for once in my life a guy would give me something special on valentines day, (dad not included) just so in my lifetime i could say.....it happened.....lol



anyway .....i'll force the thought away to avoid depression .....and focus more on..............................



oooooon........the cold? and..... cold stuff......so here is a picture......i hope you enjoy it...



the phones ringing like crazy and it'sprobably my ex who bothers the hell out of me so i must run and go pick up the phone so i can smash it 30 times and play loud sounds into the mouth area before saying hello



over and out.....



lynnie




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hmmmm [22 Jan 2005|02:14am]
[ mood | serious ]

Well, i never really thought i'd make a blog. But here it is, and i figured i'd make a blog away from all my friends where nobody who knows me can find this....
because seriousness scares friends and normal people away.
So here you can choose to read this...and if nobody reads it, then...i'm lost in cyberspace somewhere.
If you're still reading, then hellooooo...I'm Lynn, I'm 27 I was born and raised in Salem, Ma (yes the witch city) but now live in a nonexistent city, that i don't belong in. (methuen) It's sort of one of those places that dosn't have anything special in it...at least Lawrence, Ma the hideous ghetto crime city right next to methuen used to be a wicked cool place...with a huge history.
Anyway,
I'm stuck not knowing what exactly to do with my life.
I'm a recluse, and i'm scared one day i'll wake up and be 50, or who knows maybe i just wont wake up ;)
I'm rather alone most of the time, but i think i'm content alone (a lie)...as the more i'm around people the more i dislike myself.
I don't mix well with people, as i'm not like them.....i'm weird, i'm cynical and i am bitter with a vehement self hatred, and an anger toward humanity that eats away at my physical body, Yet i'm empathetic and my love and appreciation for people and life probably outdoes anyone i know. I guess that's sort of an oxymoron, but to me it makes sense.
I'm a naturalist, a hippie i guess? I love all that stuff. I'm very spiritual, but sometimes depression takes that away. I'm a very serious person, and i find it hard not to be...i struggle not to be, as it scares most people away...but i enjoy seriousness. Around people i'm the opposite i guess, but only because i have to be. I wouldn't really call it fake, Just a me i learned to be over time...
I love talking to people who are deep, and open. I feed off it :)
I hate TV, i hate todays movies and shows, and so called reality shit...it's such a sick reality. I thikn society is mainly a bunch of apathetic drones...lol And a boring boring generation of typical american types who are trendy, close minded, porn fed and addicted, selfish.......ok so i'm getting out of control...lol
I think i'm all set for now with this....maybe the next posts will be more blog like. I have to get used to it you know? but i'm pumped to try this out :P

SO that's it for now it's 3am and i'm off to bed to dream good dreams...


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